It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单，在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独，有一种不是悲伤的悲伤，才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我，我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗？”
“或许有一天，我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

　Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Friday, April 28, 2006
withers away @ 11:55 pm

ytd i met up with ky and we went back to nj to pop into guitar prac.. made our surprise appearance and sat down in lt5 to listen to their concert pieces.. ky and i were ranting on forever abt how we miss sch life.. den later during a supposed 5 min break (it lasted far longer than that), ky went down to talk to ian and i just sat there alone watching everything happening around me.. well well..
prac ended at 8 though it was supposed to end at 7.. side gate closed so we tgt with some juniors and ms ng walked by the main gate.. it felt so much like last time before our syf.. haha.. just hope they can perform well on fri.. the genre of music they chose is interesting haha..

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, April 25, 2006
withers away @ 11:48 pm

driving lesson 7 ytd: cyclists are supposed to get down their bikes and push their bikes when they cross the road. i nearly knocked this cyclist down while making a left turn coz he just chionged across the road on his bike.. he was probably just inches away from my car.. damn scary lah.. if he didnt swerve while i braked i'd probably hit him.. oh well.. i was pretty traumatised..
it feels nice to be missed, no matter wad reason it may be for.. but i know its prob coz im not fierce relative to the other teachers lah.. haha..
wo men wang le xue zen me shi lian
shen ye gai zen me bu diao yan lei
hai bu liao jie ai de qing jie
yi dan xia le pian bu zai shang yan

wo men wang le xue zen me shi lian
yi qing bie lian zhi bu hao shi mian
pian rang na bu jing yi de yu jian
que shi er bu jian
wo men dou yan zhe
ku hong le de shuang yan
shi lian xue by lin yu zhong

It's something Mystical

Saturday, April 22, 2006
withers away @ 11:44 pm

ytd was a nice day.. well well.. it was the last day i was taking my science and art classes.. and i only got to know ytd.. so sudden i didnt even have any chance to get anything for them.. the best part was in the afternoon after sch.. huiru char and i took kids to marina sq to participate in some event.. ok tgt with ying kiat too.. three of us were behaving like delinquents man.. as though we were the ones going out on an excursion or smth.. talking and laughing over stupid things.. den later all 4 of us went to eat ljs coz we were super hungry.. its so nice coz its juz like going out with friends and sharing all our fries and drink tgt..
when we were getting the goodie bags for the kids, we realized that there was a soft toy included and we went hysterical.. yes in front of all the kids.. and we were complaining why we didnt have any.. eventually we did get them.. haha..
after sending them off we decided to go shopping since it was still early.. got sweets for my classes, huiru and char bought vitasoy, cup noodles and biscuits.. haha.. den we actually lugged our "grocery bags" to shop.. super heavy.. and it did look weird.. but we didnt really care coz i guess we are all deprived of relaxation.. pretty fun really..
den i went to orchard.. roamed around in popular first to wait for pin.. dinner was late but lucky i ate in the late afternoon liao.. den later sum and jc joined us.. it felt good though we didnt even do anything at all.. at least i didnt really have to care abt the words i use or the things i do.. like whacking/look like whacking ppl.. its as though we were back to the old days.. laughing over i-dunno-wad.. well well.. those days are still fresh in my memory.. v nice..

It's something Mystical

Sunday, April 16, 2006
withers away @ 11:23 pm

driving lesson 4 on mon: it feels nice to drive relatively fast and smoothly..
driving lesson 5 on thurs: courage is needed esp during special circumstances..
had sports meet on thurs too.. we were all so looking fwd to this day coz it essentially means we had a 3 day wk for this wk.. was really slack.. at least we had the chance to know the teachers more.. even participated in the teachers relay.. it certainly felt weird.. well well.. went shopping with fungus and char after that for sheena's farewell present.. but didnt manage to find.. they left early and i still had time before my 5th driving lesson.. so i just slacked around and went kino.. i was sorta itching to buy smth but i didnt know wad to buy.. so i left empty-handed.. i just didnt feel too good.. thought i was going to fall sick.. uncle poh my driving instructor sorta forced me to eat his panadol..
went back to m'sia over the wkend.. church there is so different.. well well.. it was a great and new experience on the whole..
i really lost it man.. :'(

It's something Mystical

Thursday, April 13, 2006
withers away @ 10:16 pm

i'll be off to m'sia.. will be back on sun morning.. take care for the moment..

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, April 12, 2006
withers away @ 12:32 am

havent listened to the previous jay's cds for some time.. i just have smth for sad songs:) this one is my fav before nov's chopin was out.. hoho.. its still as nice as ever..
wo zhi neng yong yuan du zhe dui bai
du zhe wo gei ni de shang hai
wo yuan liang bu liao wo
jiu qing ni dang zuo wo yi bu zai
ge qian by jay

It's something Mystical

Sunday, April 09, 2006
withers away @ 12:26 am

when i look back on those times, i dunno whether to smile because we had those times, or to cry because we have lost those times..

It's something Mystical

Friday, April 07, 2006
withers away @ 11:56 pm

driving lesson 3: traffic jams is probably the best place to train co-ordination of the clutch, brake and accelerator pedals.. also, u gotta be aware of everything that's going on, just in case some fella was going to turn out from the side road right into your lane (since he didnt even bother to slow down and stop to look), which essentially means ending up in a crash.. lucky for us he braked on time, if not we gotta swerve to avoid him..
psychometric test tml.. for 4.5h.. i hope i dun fall asleep or smth..

wo bing bu shi tian sheng ai ji mo
que bi ren he ren dou duo
jiu suan ba shi jie gei wo
wo hai shi yi wu suo you

wo yao kuai le
wo yao neng shui de an wen
you xie ren
bu bao le cai wen nuan
li kai le cai bu hen
wo zao ying gai ge she

wo yao kuai le
na pa xiao de zai da sheng
xin bu shi re de
quan dou shi jia de
zhi you yan lei shi zhen de
wo yao kuai le by amei

It's something Mystical

Thursday, April 06, 2006
withers away @ 11:39 pm

wad i learnt during driving lesson no. 2: driving is dangerous, esp when your steering sux.. *oops..
driving lesson 3 tml.. hoho..
fear is the little darkroom where negatives are developed.

It's something Mystical

Saturday, April 01, 2006
withers away @ 12:51 am

today was an eventful day.. and there're really not alot of eventful days in my life anymore..
helped out in sports heats today also.. and we ended early.. so went over to the nj bus stop and guess who i saw.. janice! she's working for a church youth organization and it just so happened that she just finished talking to some ny gals.. it so nice just meeting friends randomly.. den we sat the same bus since she was going to scgs..
and i was heading towards eunos, which is totally foreign to me.. and it started raining halfway through the journey.. super heavily.. and the roads were super flooded.. so i was thinking, how can i drive in such a rain man.. i will just crash the car.. but luckily the rain became smaller.. but.. i missed my stop.. i actually stopped 2 bus stops away and had to walk back, with all the puddles and all.. i couldnt recognize the place coz it was just in a whole mess with the roadworks.. i didnt know how to get to the driving centre.. my instructor had to pick me up from the bus stop..
we had to make a u-turn, and we couldnt do it till quite a distance later, and it started to jam.. had a nice chat with him though.. ex-neighbour 10+ years ago.. we were supposed to start at 5, but ended up starting at 5.30.. driving is fun:) i can forsee enjoying my future lessons, but probably dying for lessons on parking since my steering isnt that good.. i told him abt how i steered my bicycle right into karen's.. oops.. haha maybe he's secretly worrying too hoho.. good luck to us.. hope i dun crash his car..
saw cyn later since her lesson is after mine.. its nice to feel that she's always so near:)
oh yeah i sorta got lost again when i had to get to the mrt station.. it was too dark (since it was already night time) and i couldnt see properly.. lost count of the bus stops (i always do) and surprisingly i actually got off at the correct stop by going with my gut feeling.. cool heh.. haha.. but i had to ask for directions before getting to the station coz its not really visible from the bus stop.. have to walk.. and by the time i got home it was 8+.. bleah..
next lesson on mon.. looking forward to it:D

It's something Mystical